


Like Shadows on the Wall of the Cave

by nameless_wanderer



Category: The Hollow (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Some angst, Very happy ending, a lot more comfort, adam is soft for kai, and kai is just soft in general, barely functional gay adam, disaster bi kai, disaster kai?, give these kids some therapy, he gets everything he didnt know he wanted, kai has a birthday party, kai has a lot of doubts about the friendship, philosophizing over lots of stuff, slightly slow burn?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameless_wanderer/pseuds/nameless_wanderer
Summary: It happened slowly. So slowly, Kai didn’t even notice it happening at first.After settling into Hollow Life, Kai started to feel weightless around Adam. He didn’t realize he had started to fall.As the two philosophize over friendship, age, and the different ways their life could go, Kai becomes certain of one thing: if they are just living like shadows on the wall of a cave, he's happy that he's there with Adam.
Relationships: Adam/Kai (The Hollow)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 160
Collections: The Hollow Fics (Kai is best boy)





	Like Shadows on the Wall of the Cave

It happened slowly. So slowly, Kai didn’t even notice it happening at first.

The first moment he could pinpoint something had changed was about a month after they’d settled into Hollow Life. He, Adam, and Mira had hung out that day, playing games and just talking, having fun, like friends do.

And then Kai had said something stupid and unnecessary. Like he always did.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Panic flashed across his face, as he was certain that would be the moment Mira and Adam stopped being his friend. For good. The pace of the conversation slowed as the other two looked at him, and for a second all of Kai’s worst fears were coming true. Instead, Adam said something clever, the pace resumed, and he and Mira forgot about it soon after. But Kai didn’t.

Kai held his tongue for the rest of the night, scared his words would be his undoing.

His dreams that night were restless. Mabel still made appearances in his nightmares, but rarely was she the cause of them anymore, more like a bearer of bad news. Anymore, his nightmares were of a darker sort. His new friend and crush, Mira, sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Skeet, getting crushed by Louie. Adam, freezing to death because Kai didn’t listen to him, and he would soon die, too, trapped on this melting iceberg. Why didn’t he listen to Adam? Why did he act without thinking? Why did he have to be so stubborn?

Kai woke up suddenly, gasping for breath as the iceberg finally cracked and he fell in the freezing ocean, only to find himself in his bed. He looked around, seeing Adam on the other side of the bed. Mira had gone home hours earlier, but Adam had taken Kai up on his offer for a sleepover for some inexplicable reason. Kai had insisted on Adam taking the bed, but Adam had insisted on not kicking Kai out of his own bed. Somehow, they’d agreed to share it.

Kai carefully grabbed his phone and looked at the time. 2:43 AM. How was he supposed to get any sleep at this point?

Kai looked over at Adam, and the dreams and the memory of earlier that day came flooding back, and the shame became overwhelming. Kai looked at Adam, watching his chest rise and fall. He reasoned Adam had probably been asleep for hours. Watching Adam in this weirdly vulnerable state seemed… odd, to say the least. Maybe that was the reason for what he did next. Or maybe it was the shame, or the dream, or any combination of things.

Whatever the reason, Kai leaned the tiniest bit closer and whispered “I’m sorry.” He lay back down, wondering how the hell he was supposed to get sleep.

“What are you sorry for?” Adam’s voice came back, decidedly not a whisper. His voice wasn’t loud, just full and certain. But combined with the slight turn, it still startled Kai.

“Adam? Sorry, I thought you were sound asleep.”

“Some nights, it’s not that hard to fall asleep. This is not one of those nights.”

“Oh,” was all Kai could say. He knew the feeling well.

“So,” Adam said, turning over to face Kai, “What, exactly, are you sorry for?”

Kai stared back at Adam, at a loss for words. Adam’s eyes seemed curious, but tired. Kai couldn’t remember what it was like to be well-rested.

Eventually, Kai responded with a simple, “I don’t know.” Adam’s curiosity didn’t diminish, but Kai wasn’t sure how to answer. Kai looked up at the ceiling, avoiding Adam’s eyes. “I’m sorry that I’m so… me all the time?” Adam didn’t respond, and Kai couldn’t figure out how to stop talking. “I’m annoying. And I never shut up. Yet, somehow, I never manage to say anything important. And I get super defensive over nothing. And I’m impulsive, and I don’t think before doing things. I’m a coward who hides at the first sign of trouble, but I’m combative when I don’t have to be because I want to be seen as tough.” Kai wasn’t sure whether his eyes were watering because of what he was saying, or due to exhaustion. “I’m sorry I’m so me all the time,” he repeated. “Believe me when I say that no one wishes I could change myself more than me.” He stared at the ceiling, trying to find something to focus on. But as he stared too long at one place, the rest of the room seemed to get darker, surrounding and suffocating the space he was focusing on. It was an apt metaphor for what was happening in his mind, until Adam spoke.

“Kai, what the hell are you on about?” The question surprised Kai so much, he snapped back to look at Adam. “Don’t talk about yourself like that. You’re awesome.” Kai was speechless. He was touched. He was expecting a subverted affirmation. ‘Yeah, you can be annoying, but…;’ he was certain Adam was going to say something like that any second.

Instead, Adam continued: “All those things that you hate, that you wish you could change? Those come from the same traits that make you awesome. They’re the reasons we all love and care about you.”

Kai’s breath hitched at this. Kai had not expected such an honest and direct admission.

“You guys… love me?” He wasn’t sure the last time he’d heard such an admission.

“Well, yeah, of course. You’re our friend.” The statement seemed obvious to Adam, but to Kai it meant everything.

“I… love you guys, too,” Kai said, turning his face back to the ceiling.

Adam let out a single chuckle in response. “Yeah. We know, dude.” Adam turned to look at the ceiling too. It wouldn’t take long for them to fall asleep.

In that moment Kai felt weightless. He hadn’t figured it out yet, hadn’t realized he’d stepped off the ledge.

He didn’t know he had started to fall.

* * *

The next moment came a week later.

Kai had been hanging out with the other four, and they’d had a good time. They were sitting outside of a coffee shop, talking about the movie they’d just watched. He was the only one to notice Adam looking at his hand. He was the only one to realize Adam was about to ask a thought-provoking question about their reality.

“Do you think we age?” Adam asked. The others fell silent to look at him, except for Kai, who let out a short chuckle.

“I… don’t know,” Mira replied, summing up the others' feelings pretty well.

“Well… this is a simulator game. Surely, since they’ve programmed different age groups, they must have programmed a progression through them,” Reeve reasoned.

“We can always ask Weirdy about it, and he’ll probably fix it,” Vanessa said confidently. The others knew that she was probably right to some degree; they hadn’t had many requests and Gustaf had been sympathetic to all of them, and had attempted to fix them in a timely manner. Surely, he’d do what he could to fix this if it hadn’t been in the game already.

“I wonder how we age,” Mira said, and the others continued the discussion.

Kai looked around, listening to the different threads. Finally, he mumbled, “That’s the wrong question.”

The others turned to look at him now, confused. Adam smirked back at him.

“Oh really? Then what’s the right question?” Adam challenged. Kai suddenly felt very self-conscious.

“Well,” he began hesitantly, “it’s not– it’s not like ‘do we age’ is a _bad_ question. It’s just, I guess, like, not as interesting to me as. Um. Does it matter?” The others chuckled a bit at this, but Adam just looked at him.

“Go on,” Adam said, interested in what Kai was about to say.

“Um. Well. The thing is… if we do ‘age’ in Hollow Life, it’s not the same as, like, IRL aging, with puberty and different hormones released during life and stuff. Unless Hollow Life is a lot more sophisticated than most sim games. But it means that while _we_ age, the change is mostly cosmetic. We don’t really mature in the same way we would in real life, and we aren’t affected by the process of maturing any more. We’re just affected by our past and our current experiences, not necessarily by nature. I guess. Age is just cosmetic now. We’ve been put on a more equal playing field, kind of like adults.”

“Like adults?” Vanessa questioned, confused.

“I’m younger than all of you.” Kai put simply, engaged now that he had their attention.

“That’s right, I always forget you’re like, two years younger than me,” Adam contributed.

“Well, like a year and three months, but yeah. You always forget, which is weird.” The others looked confused at this. “As adults, there’s not much difference, say, between a thirty-three year old to a thirty-one-year-old. But the gap between a sixteen-year-old and a fourteen-year-old? Pretty substantial. It’s kind of a fluke of fate that you guys even know me.” That thought didn’t please Kai. And he didn’t want the others to stew on it. “Anyway, it’s like this: even though the two years are the same amount of time, the reason for the difference between the examples is maturity. Sixteen-year-olds have more experience and, theoretically, more maturity than fourteen-year-olds, whereas the thirty-year-olds are basically the same. And part of that is an emotional maturity based on life experiences, but part of that is based on how we change throughout that time period. So essentially, if we’re growing up through the game, we’re not growing up the same way we would IRL. So… does it matter?”

The others looked at Kai in confusion.

“I’m pretty sure I followed about half of what you just said, and disagreed with most of it,” Reeve said, getting a laugh from the others.

“If nothing else, you’ve given us a lot to think about, Kai,” Adam said, smiling at him.

At that smile, Kai felt that weightless feeling again.

He was falling, and he hadn’t noticed yet.

* * *

The next moment happened not long after that. After a string of particularly disturbing thoughts and dreams, Kai had decided to stay away from everything for a bit. Or rather, he’d decided to stay away from everyone.

He was lying face down in the treehouse, contemplating if it could be considered sulking if the thing he was resenting was himself, when he felt movement coming from the ladder.

“Davis, I told you not to come up here, I’m fine.” He didn’t turn his head toward the entrance as he felt the presence fully enter the treehouse, too emotionally drained to do anything.

“Funny, you don’t look fine,” came a voice that was decidedly not Davis. The other person walked around, and though Kai didn’t look up, he recognized Adam’s shoes. “I thought you would be in the gazebo.”

“The gazebo is for thinking.”

“So the treehouse is for… what, exactly? Wallowing?”

“Adam, please,” Kai said, trying to keep his voice from sounding too tired. “I think I just need to be alone now.”

Adam paused before asking, “Well, can I be alone together with you?”

Kai supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised by Adam’s determination. He didn’t have it in him to shrug; he simply let out a grunt, neither a yes nor a no. Adam hesitated for a second.

“You know, when I heard you were in the treehouse, I wondered what a treehouse for a rich kid could possibly look like. Maybe a tree mansion?” Adam waited, expecting something even as small as a smile or a protest from Kai. But Kai made no indication he was going to move. So Adam continued. “But I have to admit, this is… pretty normal. Maybe a bit large. But still familiar. Comforting. Nostalgic, even.” Adam looked down at Kai. “Is that why you’re here? It makes you feel better when you’re feeling… not good?”

Kai still didn’t reply. He didn’t know what to say. He just lay there, unmoving, too paralyzed with sadness to do anything. Adam sighed.

“You’re lucky I care so much about you,” Adam said. Before Kai could question what he meant by that, Adam got on his hands and knees before lying down on the floor of the treehouse, right where Kai was looking, staring right back at him. “Wow, this is incredibly not comfortable.”

“You get used to it,” Kai said obliquely. Adam let out a short breath, amused but concerned.

“Come on, Kai. What’s wrong?” His question was a plea, and though Kai wasn’t great at picking up on subtext, he knew this question actually meant _please don’t shut us out._ He supposed that deserved an actual answer.

“I dunno. Everything.”

“Okay. That almost narrows things down,” Adam joked. “So which is it? You don’t know, or everything? And if the latter, which part of everything specifically?”

“It’s just…” Kai didn’t know how to respond to that. But he wanted to. He was frustrated at his inability to articulate his feelings and wished he could just explain it all.

“It’s okay, take your time,” Adam said patiently, seemingly reading Kai’s mind. Kai took a few moments to try and gather his thoughts.

“...You guys deserve a better friend than me.”

Adam looked puzzled at this declaration. “Didn’t we already have this conversation? About the things you see as wrong with yourself are good actually or something?”

“No– well yes, but…” Kai took a breath. “What I mean is you deserve a friend who doesn’t freak out over bad dreams and then disappears for days at a time because of it.”

“Kai…” Adam said softly, sitting up to get more comfortable. “Is that what this is about?”

“At first. I can’t stop thinking of the times I almost died. Or almost let someone else die. Or… Skeet.” Kai admitted. Adam looked back, sympathetic. “Those moments haunt my dreams more than Mabel now. So I hid away for a few days. Eventually, that passed… but I was left with the realization that I’d disappeared on you all with no explanation. And you deserve better than that.”

“So the reason you’ve been out of commission all week… is because you were scared how we would react after you were out of commission for a few days?”

“I wasn’t scared, okay? I just… thought it wasn’t fair to you. And that you guys deserve better. It’s a fluke we know each other at all, why not correct that?”

“So you just made that decision for us?” Adam’s voice contained no malice, no anger or resentment. But the question itself carried a tone that made Kai rethink his entire perspective. “Kai, we choose to be friends with you. Fluke or not, we’re your friends now. Through the good times and the bad. And trust me when I say nobody understands better than us what you’re going through. We might be the only people who do.” Kai remained silent, unsure how to respond to this. He knew Adam was right, and he’d probably check on his friends if they disappeared, assuming he hadn’t spiraled into thinking it was his fault somehow. “How about this,” Adam said, in that voice of his that indicated he just thought of an idea he thought was genius, “we can ask Weirdy about adding mental health resources to the game.”

For the first time all day, Kai looked up, actually looking at Adam. “Like a therapist?”

“Yeah, or a psychiatrist. Or even, like, a book on how to cope with all of this.”

Kai considered it for a moment. “It would be nice to have someone to talk to about this.”

Adam smiled. “Exactly. And, maybe, next time you’re feeling like this, you can talk to them instead of,” Adam shrugged, “I dunno, disappearing for days at a time and freaking your friends out and making them wonder if you’re okay or if something happened, or worse, if _they_ did something to make you disappear.” The fast-paced admission was uncharacteristic, but Kai got the sense it was honest.

It hadn’t occurred to Kai that he could be putting his friends into the same spiral of self-doubt he was prone to. He always just thought of them as more confident. The thought made him a bit ashamed, and for the first time in hours, he moved, propping his chest up off the floor with his arms. He looked down into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Adam. I didn’t mean to–” Before he could finish the thought, he felt an arm wrap around his back.

“I know.” The reassurance was enough to make Kai smile and feel like he’d be okay.

Adam left the treehouse a few minutes later, followed by Kai, much to the relief of Davis. Adam smiled back at Kai as he began the walk home, and he felt that weightless feeling again.

For the first time, Kai realized he was no longer standing on solid ground.

For the first time, he realized he might be falling.

* * *

Kai was still contemplating whether he was falling a few weeks later, when he and Adam were eating lunch at a local cafe. Kai had insisted on paying for both of their meals, and had further insisted Adam get whatever he wanted when Adam had conspicuously started looking for the cheapest item on the menu. Adam was eating the sandwich cautiously, as if the mere act of doing so were a transgression he wanted to avoid. More than that, though, Adam was quiet. Much quieter than normal. Kai was used to carrying a conversation, but Adam was hardly responding to him. And it was bothering him.

“Hey, is everything alright, dude?” Kai asked, uncertain. Adam looked at him, surprised at the question.

“Uh. Yeah. Why do you ask?”

Kai shrugged. “You just seem a little… lost in thought, I guess.”

Adam smiled at this, and let out a short chuckle. “Yeah. I guess I am.” Quickly, the smile faded from his face though, and he looked pensive once more.

“Do you… wanna talk about it?” Kai offered. Adam had put a lot of energy into helping Kai with his problems. Kai figured it was about time to return the favor.

Adam looked at him, then looked away, clearly debating it for a few moments. Kai wondered what there was to debate. Eventually, Adam looked back, and though he opened his mouth he couldn’t find the words. Kai patiently waited, looking at Adam in an attempt to reassure him that it was okay to talk about it.

Finally, Adam found the words. “Have you ever just… wanted something? So bad, that it… that it aches inside of you?” Adam said, furrowing his brow. “And it just feels like… there’s a void, like a missing piece of you, and if you could just get that thing you wanted, you wouldn’t feel so… empty?”

Kai could feel the frustration in his voice and wondered what could possibly be causing his friend this much distress.

“Yes, actually.” Kai responded. Then he realized. “And usually, when it gets that bad, it’s not some _thing_ you’re looking for, it’s some _one_.” Adam looked up at him, and there was something in his eyes Kai couldn’t place. Panic, maybe? That didn’t make sense. Whatever it was, Adam was uncomfortable. So Kai quickly moved on. “But more than that, I think you’ve confused two similar feelings for the same thing.” The unidentifiable emotion quickly left Adam’s face, replaced by one of confusion. “There’s the ache,” Kai said, spreading a hand across his chest, “and then there’s the void,” he continued, bringing his fingers together in a single point near his heart.”

“What’s the difference?” Adam inquired.

“Well, the ache,” Kai said, spreading his hand back out across his chest, “is longing. It’s that thing you want so bad, it consumes you. It’s a desire, usually for something more or less tangible.” As Adam nodded, indicating he was following along, Kai moved his fingers back together. “While the void is a kind of soul sickness, an incomplete part of you and an inability to find fulfillment. The void can only usually be solved from internal satisfaction.” Kai let his hand drop back down. “The problem is, the two feelings are similar enough that people think they’re the same. So they feel the void, assume it’s the longing, and try to cure it by whatever they’re longing for. It’s why couples break up and parents fight. They think another person can fill that void, and they never look inwards. They never figure out how to find fulfillment.”

Adam stared at him for a second before responding. “Wow. That was… a lot.”

Kai sheepishly shrugged in apology. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble.”

“No, no, it was… eye-opening. You know, you’re pretty smart sometimes, Kai.” Kai smiled at this, content, and went back to eating his food. “What about the longing though?”

“What?” Kai asked, confused.

“You said that the void is solved by looking inward and working on yourself. How do you solve the longing?”

“By getting the thing you want.”

“But what if that’s not an option?” There was a determination in Adam now, accompanied by a sort of fear. Kai sighed.

“Then you just have to get over it.”

“How do you do that?”

Kai smiled sadly at Adam. “If I ever find out, I’ll let you know.”

Adam nodded slowly, and the two continued lunch, talking about recent events that had happened to them.

Kai kept falling, and was finding it hard to convince himself he wasn’t.

* * *

These moments were setting an odd precedent of deep conversation that was best facilitated when Kai and Adam were alone. Kai wasn’t sure how to feel about this. It could be enlightening, but emotionally exhausting too. And he wasn’t sure about everything, he was a teen, younger than the others, just trying to figure things out.

Nevertheless, he welcomed them, because he knew Adam probably didn’t get to have these kinds of conversations with the others. It’s not that they didn’t think about these things, but that they were just trying to live their lives as normally as they could. But Kai didn’t really have a “normal life” that was as normal as theirs. And Adam still seemed to have some hesitations about his life.

Which is why it didn’t surprise Kai when Adam paused the video game they were playing to ask him, “what do you think our other selves are doing?”

Kai looked over at him. “You mean our IRL selves?”

“Yeah. Do you ever think about them?” Kai tilted his head towards Adam, as if to say _really?_ Adam smiled and laughed in response. “Right, right. Forgot who I was talking to. I dunno. Sometimes I just wonder if we’re just… I dunno, living like shadows on the wall of a cave. And we know there’s something else out there more… tangible. But we’re just shadows, and no matter how we try, we can’t become more than that. We can’t enter the real world.” Adam looked at Kai, who showed no indication of understanding. He chuckled slightly at himself. “Sorry, I lost you there, didn’t I?”

“A little bit. The cave stuff confused me.”

“It’s a reference. Plato’s allegory of the cave. People are chained up in a cave and…” Adam sighed. “Never mind. It’s a long story. I just wonder how the real versions of us are doing.”

“Well, I can’t speak for the others, but I know how IRL Kai is doing.” Adam looked at him, urging him to continue. Kai didn’t look back at him, opting instead to look at the ceiling fan, trying to track the path of one of the blades. “He’s lonely.” Kai took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself to explain something he’d probably thought about far too much. “He’s still friends with Miles, obviously, but gets the feeling that Miles just likes the games he has. He doesn’t ever say this out loud. And because he’s friends with Miles, he sees Mira on occasion. And they’re friendly, much friendlier than before going on The Hollow. But they’re not friends. He doesn’t ever think of Reeve or Skeet, and only thinks of Vanessa on occasion. He doesn’t like thinking of her, because it reminds him of what she did to him, and more so of his own failings.” Kai paused, unsure how to go on.

“And what of IRL Adam?” Adam asked. “Does Kai still see him?”

Kai shook his head. “I think Kai probably tried to be friends with him, or thought about it, but there was just too much, between the two year age gap–”

“I thought it was a year and three months,” Adam snarked.

“Yeah, well, it still feels like two years. Basically they’re just two kids who were on the same game show once. They don’t really have anything else in common. And Kai didn’t wanna push it. So they aren’t friends. And Kai probably wonders every day if there’s another version where things worked out, and he isn’t lonely. But he just smiles and pretends he’s fine. Gets by with whatever quote-unquote ‘friends’ he does have. Hopes one day things will change, but doesn’t know how to change them.” The fan spun around. Kai couldn’t keep following it. It made him dizzy. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back down. He rubbed his eyes before opening them again, not looking at Adam.

“I hope you're wrong,” Adam’s reply finally came. “Because IRL Adam sounds like a jerk.”

Kai looked back at him, uncertain. “You think IRL Kai and Adam are still friends?”

“I don’t know. But what if instead of trying and failing to connect, they just hang out? Maybe after they win The Hollow, Adam, Kai, and Mira all go out and celebrate. Maybe they bond, and talk about what happened in the game. Maybe they start a monthly watch party for The Hollow because they’ve been through something together and want to see how other people deal with it. Maybe they joke and vent and laugh and cry and bond with each other, and the three of them become friends. An odd trio, to be sure, but a stable one. And maybe IRL Adam doesn’t give a shit that IRL Kai is younger than him, they’re friends and that’s that. And nothing can change that.”

“And what if you’re wrong? What if IRL Adam never gave it a chance?” Kai asked, uncertain.

“Then fuck him,” Adam said confidently. Kai was taken slightly aback by this outburst. “If IRL Adam is really that shallow, then I’m thankful I’m not him. Because he’s missing out on a really great friend.” Adam smiled softly as he said this. Kai smiled back, chuckling a bit.

“Yeah, and fuck IRL Kai for not trying harder.”

“Language, Kai.” The two chuckled at this, smiling at each other for a short moment. Finally, Adam turned back to the TV, unpausing their game. After a few minutes, Kai finally spoke again.

“Hey, if we are just shadows on the cave wall, or whatever that metaphor was?” Adam grunted to indicate he was listening. “I’m glad I get to be there with you.” From the corner of his eye, Kai saw Adam burst into a wide grin.

“Same here, buddy. Love ya.”

“Love you, too.”

Kai was falling, faster and faster, and he didn’t know how to stop.

* * *

Many of the moments Kai had been paying attention to had been serious, heavy. Being around Adam made him feel weightless, but the atmosphere was always trying to hold him down.

But the next moment felt different. It felt light.

He wasn’t sure what was happening. There was a vague sense of Adam to it all. He felt something happen with his hair. His hair was gently moved, caressed, twirled. It all felt very gentle, and light. He smiled as he felt this. He felt safe.

Then he grunted. Whatever was happening with his hair stopped. He turned over and opened his eyes. Sitting on the edge of the couch was Adam, smiling down at him.

“Hey, Kai.” Kai blinked for a few seconds before figuring it out.

“Oh shoot, I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

Adam laughed at this. “Yeah, you did. About an hour ago according to Davis.”

“Right after I called you.” Kai groaned. He sat up and looked at Adam apologetically. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, dude. I like just got here.”

“I just feel bad because I was the one who invited you over and immediately afterward… ugh. I didn’t get enough sleep last night, so–”

“Dude, it’s chill. I hope that extra hour helped.” Adam turned away slightly as Kai stood up off the couch. “And you know, you can do whatever you want, considering. It’s your birthday.” Kai froze at this and turned back to look at Adam, who by now was staring him down with a devious smile.

“How did you know?”

“Well, I knew how much younger you are than me, and social media confirmed it pretty readily.” Kai got the sense that Adam wasn’t telling him the full story. “Why didn’t you tell us, man?”

Kai shrugged. He wasn’t quite sure himself.

“I just didn’t want to make a big deal of it. I don’t usually do anything.” He thought about it. “Sometimes Davis will get me a cake, if I really want one. But I don’t really do parties, don’t really celebrate, don’t really get presents, so, I just don’t see it as a big deal.” He looked at Adam, who’s expression had changed. Kai wasn’t sure what he had said. “What?”

“You don’t get presents?” Adam asked.

“Oh. Yeah, not really. Not for my birthday.” Adam frowned at this, but Kai just had to laugh. “No, dude, it’s fine. My parents get me basically whatever I want whenever I want it, so birthday presents just aren’t, like, a big deal to me.” Adam didn’t seem assuaged. “Really, I have all I could ever need. What more could I want?”

“A show of affection on an important day for you?” Adam looked around. “Wait, are your parents even home right now?”

“No, and that’s probably for the best. My therapist thinks they’ve created an unstable living environment and that their fighting has caused me to have less self worth.”

“...Kai, did your parents even wish you a happy birthday? Do they even know it’s your birthday?”

“Not yet. Should be getting a text sometime soon, though.” Adam stared in disbelief. “What? They know. They should’ve gotten the social media notification this morning.” At this, Kai’s phone pinged. He pulled it out, read the notification, and showed it to Adam. “See?”

“That’s why you were so intent on hanging out today,” Adam said slowly.

“I tried asking the others, but they said they were all busy. So… yeah.” Adam stared at him, still frowning. “Anyway, you wanna play some video games? Weirdy gave us some new ones, and I’ve been dying to try–”

“No.” Adam was firm in this statement, which confused Kai. “I mean, we’re not just playing video games on your birthday. And it’s an important one!”

“I’m turning fifteen.”

“Fantastic fifteen!”

“...That’s not a thing.”

“It is now!” Adam said confidently. Kai looked at him, uncertain. “Come on, just change into your nicest clothes–sorry, your nicest _casual_ clothes.”

“Why?”

“We’re gonna go out to celebrate your birthday!”

“Okay, but where are we gonna go?”

“You let me worry about that. Go get changed.” Adam pushed Kai towards his room at this, until Kai just went along with it. Adam waited outside his room, and Kai closed the door as he tried to find his best outfit. As he looked in the mirror he noticed his hair did not look the way he’d combed it this morning. It looked wild and messy. He chuckled.

“Hey, Adam?” He called out, “Did something happen with my hair? It looks pretty messy.”

Adam hesitated before calling back. “Uh, I dunno. I mean, you fell asleep on the couch. It didn’t look different to me.” Kai laughed a bit before continuing his search for the right outfit. As he changed into his most promising option, he heard Adam raise his voice outside the door, and he couldn’t help but listen in.

“No, we need to go bigger! …The dude doesn’t get birthday presents, he doesn’t have parties… Ok, maybe you’re right, maybe not bigger. But better. More personal… With the others we’ll be fine, maybe see if… yeah, you read my mind. How long will that take? …Okay, I’ll do what I can.”

Kai ignored the one-sided conversation, looking back at the mirror. He chuckled at his hair again, before fixing it quickly, leaving just one or two strands a little wild. He thought it looked better that way. He was ready to go out.

“Okay, I’m ready!” Kai called out. He opened the door. “What do you think?”

Adam looked up with a smile before his jaw dropped slightly. What he was wearing wasn’t all that different from his normal outfit, but he’d traded the baseball tee for a button-down, gone with a darker jean color and added a belt, and worn slightly more stylish shoes. And come to think of it, this was the nicest dressed Adam had ever seen him.

“Oh wow.”

“I overdid it, didn’t I? I can find something else,” Kai quickly said, turning around.

“No, no, it’s great!” Adam quickly said. “It’s just… um…” Adam examined Kai as if trying to solve a puzzle. Kai saw a look of realization cross Adam’s face. “Here,” he said, taking a step closer to Kai. Kai tried to steady his breathing as Adam looked at him, looked down at his chest, then unbuttoned the shirt, revealing the brightly colored tee underneath. Adam exhaled (had he been holding his breath?) then stepped back to get a good look. “There you go. You look much more like Kai now.”

Kai chuckled at this. “So, where are we going?”

“I have a few ideas in mind,” Adam said with a sly smile. Then, he grabbed Kai’s wrist and led him past Davis, who waved goodbye as they ran out the door. And Kai felt weightless again, and knew he was falling.

The next few hours were a crazy whirlwind of activities seemingly tailored to Kai’s interests. Donuts from Holy Donuts, sparring practice between the two of them in the park, putting out the fires Kai accidentally caused in the park, flying around from location to location (Kai was desperately trying to convince himself that the experience of flying was still just that incredible– that was why his heart was beating fast, nothing to do with how tight Adam was holding on), and just generally having a good time.

“I gotta say,” Kai said as they walked through the shopping district, food truck taco in hand, “I’m starting to get the appeal of birthdays.” He looked over at Adam. “Thanks for doing this for me. Really, it’s been an awesome day, and it means a lot that you’d do this for me.”

Adam chuckled. “Yeah, of course, dude. But the day’s not over yet,” he replied cryptically. Before Kai could question what more they could possibly do, Adam continued, “come on, I had one more plan for today.” With this, Adam broke out into a run. It took Kai a second to realize what was happening.

“Hey, wait up!” he said, breaking into a sprint to keep up with the laughing boy. He followed Adam through the streets, using his fire to fly when he got too tired. Adam took a circuitous route, taking detours and shortcuts to throw Kai off of his rhythm. The final stretch took them through several people’s backyards until eventually, Adam stopped in the middle of a rather large one.

“Okay Adam,” Kai said, nearly breathless, “there’s nowhere left to run.”

Adam smiled back at him. “Nope. You caught up to me, fair and square.”

Kai looked down on the ground, putting his hands on his knees. When Adam took a step toward him, Kai held out a finger as an indicator that he needed a moment. Finally, when he caught his breath he looked back up at Adam and became confused.

“This is… my house,” Kai said, perplexed.

“Yeah, I left something here earlier. Come on, let’s go get it.” Suspicious, Kai walked up to Adam and together, the two entered the house.

“Wait, why is it so dark?” Kai asked. “Davis? Is everything okay?” The inability to see frustrated Kai. “Adam, what did you say you left here? Where is it?”

“Oh just something small. I think it was in the living room.” Together the two entered the living room, also pitch black.

“Okay, let’s find it and–” Kai flipped on the light switch.

“Surprise!” Several voices shouted back. The room was filled with balloons and streamers and a probably homemade banner that said “Happy Birthday Kai!” across it. There were decorations everywhere, chips and soda on the counter, and actual birthday gifts on the table. Standing in the room were all of his favorite people, the friends he’d made playing the Hollow and the few he’d made before and after.

“I… what?”

“You didn’t really think we were going to let your birthday go by without a party, did you?” Mira said with a smile.

“But… how? How did you know?”

“I figured out your birthday weeks ago,” Vanessa said. “You’re not that good at hiding it.”

"But I thought you all were busy!"

“We pretended to be busy so you wouldn't suspect anything," Reeve said. "Davis let us in after you left, and we set all of this up. It would’ve gone a lot quicker, but Adam convinced us to go all out, and had to keep extending his distraction.”

“Distraction?” Kai said, turning to look at Adam. Adam gave a sheepish smile.

“Do you like it?” Adam asked nervously. Kai was nearly speechless.

“You… you guys did all of this for me?” Kai asked, tearing up. With a chuckle, Adam nodded. Before any of them could say anything, Kai ran up to Adam and wrapped him in a hug. Adam quickly wrapped his arms back around Kai, as it quickly became clear that he had no intention of letting go. Slowly, the others joined in, forming the best group hug Kai had ever been a part of.

The evening went on and every time Kai felt like things couldn’t get better, they did. They played games, talked with each other, when it was time for dinner they ordered pizza, and they insisted on watching him open his gifts. Many of them were things he wouldn’t have ever realized he wanted, but they were perfect for him. Mira even got him a framed photo of her, Kai, and Adam, a picture from after they’d won The Hollow that she’d convinced Gustaf to share. They looked happy in it, and Kai thought it was pretty cool he could technically check off “beat The Hollow (twice)” on his list of achievements.

Eventually, Kai realized something that had felt off all evening.

“Hey, where’s Davis?” he wondered aloud to the group. At this, the group broke into laughter, utterly confusing Kai. When they had calmed down enough, they pointed behind Kai. Kai turned around. Davis was there holding a cake.

“I was just out getting sir his cake,” Davis said to Kai. Of course. Of course, Davis had done this, without Kai even saying anything. Davis, who had been nothing but kind to him, going above and beyond what his parents paid him to do. Just to make sure Kai was okay. He felt himself getting teary-eyed again, and couldn’t contain himself. He ran up to Davis and hugged him. Eventually, Davis spoke.

“Sir, might I set the cake down?”

Kai let go at this, embarrassed. “Oh. Right. Sorry.” Davis quickly set the cake down on the counter before turning back to Kai and hugging him in return.

“Happy Birthday, Sir.”

When he let go of Davis, his friends were gathered around the cake, and somebody had lit the candles. Hesitantly, they all started singing happy birthday. It was dissonant, and out of time, and off-key, and the most beautiful sound Kai had ever heard. Kai smiled as they finished, basking in the moment he wished would never end.

“Now you blow out the candles and make a wish!” Mira explained.

Kai chuckled. “I know! I just… I don’t know what I could possibly wish for that could top the day I’ve had.”

“Well, think of something quick, ‘cause I want some cake!” Reeve joked. Kai nodded, looking around at the others who were waiting in anticipation. Finally, his eyes stopped on Adam, smiling back at him. Adam, who had done everything he could to make Kai’s birthday the best day ever. And he knew what to wish for. He looked around at all of them once more.

“I love you guys so much!” Kai said. Then, he blew out the candles in one breath. The others applauded and began getting slices of the cake, and Kai felt weightless again.

But eventually, the cake was eaten, the balloons started to sag, the decorations were slowly taken down. His friends took care of most of it (it had been their idea, after all), but he did what he could to help, and soon the night was over. His friends left one by one, hugging him as they left until just Adam and Davis remained. Kai turned to Adam, who smiled back, hesitant to say anything.

“Uh… you know, Adam, if you want, you’re more than welcome to spend the night.” He looked at Adam for some sign, some indication of what he was thinking. Adam looked off into the night and contemplated.

“I mean… you’ve been with me all day, I don’t wanna bother you or anything,” Adam said.

“You aren’t bothering me!” Kai quickly said. When Adam gave him a funny look, he cleared his throat. “I mean, you won’t bother me. Or else I wouldn’t have asked. So, I’m asking you to spend the night. If you want.” Kai smiled brightly as he said this. Adam looked at Kai, trying to make up his mind. Kai couldn’t take it anymore, and a sense of longing was clear on his face for just a moment. “Please?” Adam’s face turned into something Kai couldn’t identify at this, before breaking into a big smile.

“Yeah. Okay! Sure.”

Kai’s face broke out in a big grin at this. “Great! Do we need to run you home to grab stuff?”

Adam chuckled as he admitted, “Actually, I have a spare change of clothes and toothbrush in my backpack. I kind of figured something like this would happen.” Kai gently shoved Adam as they went back inside, causing them both to chuckle. And that weightless feeling would not leave Kai, and he knew he was falling.

Before falling asleep, they sat on the bed in the dark and talked about everything and nothing all at once. And for once, it didn’t get too heavy. But Adam did make some interesting points.

“You know,” Adam said with a wry smile, “it occurs to me that you’re only a year younger than me now. At least for the next several months.”

Kai tilted his head. “I’m pretty sure that’s not how it works. And what’s your point?”

“That your whole argument that age doesn’t matter maybe has some more credence now. I mean, fifteen and sixteen? Practically the same age.”

“I get the feeling you’re not telling the whole truth,” Kai said. “But honestly, it hasn’t mattered as much since I realized you guys still like me and are my friends. And who knows, maybe one of these days I can ask Gustaf to make me, like, a year older. That way, it _really_ won’t matter.”

“Heh heh, that’s true,” Adam said. “So, how did we do? Did you get everything you wanted for your fantastic fifteen?”

“That’s still not a thing,” Kaid said, sending them into fits of laughter.

“Seriously, though, Kai. Was it everything you hoped for?”

Kai nodded. “Pretty much. Best birthday ever.”

Adam eyed him suspiciously. “You’re holding out. What, was there something you wanted we forgot?”

“No, no, not at all, it’s nothing you guys could’ve done.” Kai’s reply caused Adam to furrow his brow, causing Kai to explain even quicker. “No, no, it’s stupid, and it’s me holding myself to IRL Kai’s standards, and really, what does that idiot know?”

Adam nodded slowly, understanding. “So, what is it?”

Kai chuckled. “You’re gonna think it’s stupid.” Kai took a deep breath, knowing Adam wouldn’t rest until he found out. “Around the time I turned fourteen, I decided…” Kai chuckled, not sure how to put it. “I decided that by the time I turned fifteen, I… I wanted to have my first kiss.” He laughed at himself. “Pretty stupid, right?”

Adam looked surprised. “Um. No, no it isn’t. And I mean, it’s not a race and you shouldn’t feel pressured to look for that, but… I thought you and Vanessa…?” Adam didn’t finish his question, but Kai understood.

“Oh, _god_ no. I mean, we tried going out on one tiny date when we got settled back into Hollow Life, but her being romantic just kept reminding me of… her manipulating me.” Adam winced at this. “Yeah. But we’re fine as friends, and I can’t help but feel that’s how it was supposed to be.”

“Well, if that’s what you want, I promise you we’ll find someone to kiss you.” Kai burst into laughter at Adam’s proclamation.

“No, no, it’s… it’s fine. I think I’ve realized, I don’t want to do it for the sake of having done it. I want to do it because someone wants to do it with me. And because I want to do it with them. You know?”

“Yeah. I get it,” Adam said softly. Kai couldn’t tell in the darkness, but from what he could see it almost looked like Adam was blushing. Adam coughed. “We should probably go to bed. Get some sleep,” he said, quickly getting under the covers. Kai followed suit.

“Yeah, you’re right.” They lay still in bed, facing each other. “Good night, Adam.”

“Good night, Kai.”

And Kai knew he was falling for certain, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

* * *

Kai stirred the next morning, feeling the same light feeling from the previous day. And he felt the same gentle agitation in his hair, gently brushing and moving, in a loving manner. But this time he knew what was going on. He smiled.

“Are you playing with my hair again?” he murmured. Almost immediately it stopped.

“Sorry.” It was weird to hear Adam ashamed. But Kai just chuckled.

“It’s fine. I like it. It feels nice.” He waited for a few moments before slowly opening his eyes, blinking as he woke up to Adam’s face. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Adam replied.

“What’s got you up before me?” Kai said, yawning.

“Just thinking about yesterday.”

“It was perfect!” Kai murmured, smiling in delight.

“Well, almost. There was that thing–”

“That thing I said last night? Psh. I can’t hold you to IRL Kai’s standards, that guy’s an idiot.”

“Still, I wish I could’ve done something. To make you happy.” Adam’s statement was as genuine as could be. He wanted nothing more than to make Kai happy.

The two lay on their sides, staring at each other for a few more seconds. Kai was falling, longing, desperately needing and suddenly he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Adam?” he said hesitantly.

“Hm?”

“Can I…” Kai took a deep breath. This was it. “Can I kiss you?”

For a moment, Adam didn’t respond, and Kai held his breath. What this the moment he screwed everything up by taking things too far? Then, Adam exhaled.

“Oh, god yes!” The two leaned toward each other, their lips meeting in the middle, impatient.

Kai’s first kiss was not perfect, or worthy of remembrance, or even good. But surely he would have time to practice. He hoped he would get to practice more with Adam. And it seemed Adam hoped the same thing.

“I’ve been waiting to do that for so long,” Adam admitted, laughing at himself.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t–”

“No, no, I just assumed… and it’s just been… and the longing…” Adam took a deep breath and propped himself up with his elbow. “Kai… I love you.”

Kai chuckled at this. “Yeah, I know dude.” Adam hid his face in his hands until Kai finally answered his unspoken question. “I love you, too.”

Their lips met once more, better this time, before they had to get up and face the day and the brave new world that awaited them.

All that time Kai was falling, he never suspected Adam was, too. But now they had landed safe in each other’s arms, and could simply enjoy the exhilaration of being weightless and free.

Together.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fanfic of the Hollow! I binged the entire series like a few days ago and I had this idea and I just couldn't get it out of my head, so I wrote it. I really hope you like it, and I hope I get the chance to write more fic for this series and this ship, because this was really fun! If you wanna say hi to me on tumblr, check me out at kennothythebard.tumblr.com, I'd be really happy to talk about the hollow or this fic or whatever. Thanks for reading <3


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